the unbalanced frustration

i woke up, felt helpless, searched for a soldier 

but found solitude;

i wanted to explore myself, but i was standing

on edge and the edge was sharp;

i tried to make a balance, moved left and right

and made myself stand;

i was searching for support but it was the 

DARKEST NIGHT;

pupil expanded and 4-5 blurred poles appeared

before my eyes;

i relaxed, inhaled, exhaled and moved slowly to 

hold it;

finally, now i raised my hand slowly so that i

can maintain my balance too;

i hold it but it was full of thorns;

my hand was bleeding, my reflex action was 

on leave;

i tried to hold another pole to get a support,

it was electrified, i got a shock;

i loosed my balance, i fell down,

tried to save myself by holding edge;

but the edge was sharp;

my palm was bleeding; so, finally i was

totally screwed;

i remembered everyone but everyone

 was blaming me;

again i inhaled, exhaled, sighed and loosen

 my hold;

i didn't died!

something was left ;

i got up and inhaled, not exhaled this time;

started training myself to reach the edge again;

i reached the edge, made it blurred, cut the poles,

 stood and relaxed, then ROARED!!

बदलाव

कभी आसुओं को रोका करता था मैं क्यूंकि मुझमें उन्हें रोकने की ताकत थी,

अब तो वो यूँ ही निकल जाती हैं और मुझे पता भी नहीं चलता।

अपने ठहाके को समेट कर मुस्कुराहट  बनाता था कभी,

अब तो मुस्कुराहट को भी बुलाना पड़ता है।

खुल कर आती थी जो बात लबों पर ,

वो अब पूछ के आती हैं।

कभी सोचा करता था की काश मेरे भी कुछ बड़े बड़े शौक होते,

ये शौक कब जरुरत बन गए पता ही नहीं चला।

कभी अपनी एक हसी से मनाया करता था सभी को,

आज वो हसी के लिए खुद को मनाता हूँ।

कभी खुद के लिए जीता था मैं,

आज अपनों के लिए जीता हूँ।।

टकरा कर उसमे समाना चाहती थी।

बार बार कोशिश की लेकिन  हर कोशिश नाकाम हुयी।

हार न मान कर तोड़ डाला उसे।

उसको खुद में मिलाना चाहती थी।

अब भी वो खामोश था।

थक कर सामने वाले पत्थर से बोली,

"तुम भी कोशिश करो "

दोनों खामोश थे।

पत्थर ने ख़ामोशी तोड़ी,

"तेरी वजह से मैं रेत बन गया मगर फिर भी तुझमे समां ना सका।

तेरी बढती भूक ने बार बार मुझे तुझसे अलग किया है।

मुझे इस्तेमाल कर के बार बार तुमने फेका है।

जा लौट जा फिर कभी वापस मत आना।"

तिलमिला उठी लहर मगर हार न मानी।

साहस  समेत फिर समाने गयी पत्थर में।

आज भी लहर खामोश नहीं है ,

आज भी पत्थर उदास है।

चाहत

रेत की जिन्दगी में पत्थर खोजता हूँ।

अपनी मुट्ठी में रेत को कैद करना चाहता हूँ।।

रोज इन्तजार करता हूँ सुबह के उस उजाले की जो मुझे समझ ले।

मगर आज भी ये इंतजार करवा कर निकल गयी।।

समुन्द्र के लहरों पे बैठ कर देखना चाहता हूँ दुनिया को।

रात की चांदनी में डुबोना चाहता हूँ खुद को।।

जल के कभी उजाला भी आएगा मेरे पास।

कैद कर लूँगा उसे भी अपनी मुट्ठी में।।

खुदा से खुद को पाना चाहता हूँ।

चट्टान बनकर भी धरती का फूल बनना चाहता हूँ।।

कहना चाहता हूँ साहिल के मुसाफिरों से 

"डूबने से कभी डरना मत लेकिन साहिल पे कभी डूबना मत।"

दिशा देना चाहता हूँ इस दुनिया को अपनी छोटी सी चिराग से।

लेकिन डरता हूँ चिराग की कालिख से।।

अपने दर्द की एक धुन बनाना चाहता हूँ।

उसे गुनगुना के दुनिया को सुनना चाहता हूँ।।

बदल पे एक छोटा सा आशियाना बनाना चाह्ताचाहता हूँ।

जीवन के हर दिवार में रंग भरना चाहता हूँ।।

हवा के झरोखों को अपना कवच बनाना चाहता हूँ।

आग के दरिया को बिना दुबे पार करना चाहता हूँ।।

चाहता हूँ की कुछ ऐसा करूँ की चाहत मिट जाये।

लेकिन मैं तो चाहत की चाहत बन चूका हूँ।।

मौसम को अपने मन का गुलाम बनाना चाहता हूँ।

रब को एक छोटा सा पैगाम देना चाहता हूँ-

"जी सकता हूँ मैं तेरे बिना;

हाँ, जी सकता हूँ मैं तेरे बिना "

यादें

कहीं बैठा वो गुलाब की पंखुरियां तोड़ रहा था।

सारे रश्मों रिवाजों को भुला चूका था मैं।

उनकी यादें एक सिहरन दे गयीं मुझे।

अब बिखरने वाला था मैं मगर मैं अटूट था।

एक जाना पहचाना सा झिलमिलाहट था आखों के सामने।

एक मुस्कुराहट थी जो आखें नम कर जाती है।

मैंने अपने असीमित ताकत का एहसास किया।

एक ऐसी ताकत जिस से मैं हमेशा से अनजान था।

उन्हें जाते देख भी मैं चुप था।

इस सांसारिक नियमों से मैं अनजान नहीं था,

मगर अपने आखों के सामने ये दर्दनाक था।

कभी फुर्सत से मिला नहीं था मैं।

उनकी सारी छोटी मुलाकातों को जोड़ कर एक याद बनाना चाहता हूँ।

एक फुर्सत भरे पल में उनको महसूस करना चाहता हूँ।

अब मैं उनके करीब आना चाहता हूँ।

अब मैं उनमे समाना चाहता हूँ।।

the rented life.......!!!

Are you living your life? you all will answer that "what a silly question you are asking dude, of course we are living our life". But i am not satisfied with your answer. i want some proofs from you so that i can understand that you are living your life. Don't worry i will not say you to jump in a boiler. i will ask u a simple question. Tell me about one thing which you have earned for yourself and your life?

for this question also there will be a lot of answer in your mind like- i have earned this bungalow, i have earned this 6-7 figure salary, i have world's fastest car, my children reads in world's top academy, etc. But unfortunately, all your answers are not up to the mark. i am not saying they are wrong but whatever you earned here are virtual.

By birth only our life goes in control of our society-the biggest threats!. Initially our parents teach us that how to respect our society, how to do work according to society and also how to maintain your societal status. After that we start doing that and we think that we have earned a lot for our sake. Then why you are not satisfied? I ask why? why you can't take a breath with relief? Because you have not earned anything for yourself. you have earned it for your society. You have earned it for others.

We often do compliant with ourselves, that our life is too fast, if we will move slow then someone will leave us behind and capture our kingdom. My question is "why we bother about others and not us?" life is not a racing track of Olympics with participants ready to leave you behind by a fraction of second. Every life has its own track, the private track, in which no racing is allowed. Even you complete it in one hour or 5 minutes, only you are the winner. But we rent our racing track to others. we invite them to make us feel inferiors. And we proudly say that "we are living our fast life". The life in which we are trapped in our own track and feel ourselves helpless to come out.

We are living a life in which we are conscious of our make-ups and we don't laugh to protect our mask of face. We don't weep because tears will destroy our mask and even after that we proudly announce that we are living or life. We live for our parents, We live for our society, We live for our partner, We live for our children. when do we live for ourselves? why you are living when you are unable to laugh, cry and feel for yourself? Why you are running by seeing others? Its your own track, and you are the only owner of it.

Extract some time from the rented schedule of your life and think of what you like for yourself , what you enjoy and do it. otherwise on the last day of this rented life you will not loose your breath easily. feel the relief by living yourself.
Its for you.
Happy life!!!

चहकती सी इस जिन्दगी में जीना सिख चूका हूँ मैं।

दुःख के चीख के साथ हँसना भी सिख चूका हूँ मैं।

अँधेरे में खुद की पहचान खोकर भी खुस रहता हूँ।

उजाले में पहचान पाकर भी खुस रहता हूँ।

अरमान तो कई थे मगर पुरे हो न सकें।

इन अरमानों को सपने में सच कर के खुस रहता हूँ।

मुस्कुरा मुस्कुरा के हँसना भी सिख लिया।

अब तो ठहाके भी लगा लेता हूँ मैं।।

लुढ़कता गिरता हुआ पाता गया सब कुछ।

इस भीड़ में गिरकर भी संभालता गया खुद को।।

हर बार एक नया पत्थर उठता गया गिर के।

जेब के भरने पे रोक लिया खुद को।।

निकाल के सारे पत्थर जोरने लगा उनको।

जोर के इन पत्थरों को बना डाला एक महल।।

खुद को काबिल ना समझ कर बेच डाला राहगीर को।

लुढ़कता गिरता हुआ लुटाता गया सब कुछ।

इस भीड़ में गिरकर खोता गया खुद को।।

it flew and passed by as i am obstacle,

actually it got deviated by the field developed by the sleep of mind;

i tried and tried to absorb it but the sleep absorbed me;

the slides passed and passed,

every time i woke up from sleep i found him chanting something

as if he wants to remove my sleep;

but sleep was also determined;

fuck this fucking mechanical full of slides,

nothing is to be done and a lot to be learned;

i am waiting from the day one of this semester to see the

end of the slides of this course but every time it seems as if

it started now;

hope it will end someday giving me a lot of memories

of dreams which i have seen in classroom;

i counted and counted the slides and end up seeing

my tic tic....;

the raise of voice wake me up,

but he asked for few more minutes;

the friends supported and screamed "SIRRRR.......",

but he was in mood to drill us hard;

suddenly god made him realized about our situation

and finally he called the most awaiting sentence,

"count your numbers"

and i shouted for the first time without sluggishness

"701".!!

darkness is a kind of light with no brightness!!

the leaves are broken,the fruits are plucked,

instead the tree is straight, as it promised to someone to remain

straight;

the river is polluted,the river is impure,

instead it keep flowing, as someone is in great need

of it;

the dogs are hungry, dogs are barking,

instead they are running, as it promised someone to guard

the locality;

the stones are silent, the stones are dirty,

instead they are meditating, as someone told them to

keep meditating;

the ants are small, the ants are light,

instead they keep climbing walls, as they promised someone to

keep trying;

the pigeons are fat, the pigeons are trapped,

instead they fly in groups, as they were told to

die together;

the clouds are black, the clouds are ugly,

instead they move everywhere, as they promised someone to

irrigate the whole earth;

the body is tired, the mind is disturbed,

instead its working, as someone need it more

than itself.!!

sat and thought of the sword which would cut water;

sat and thought of the arms on which the resources are being wasted;

i came across the reality after passing through illusions;

the illusions wasted my time but it taught me a lot that what to choose and what to leave;

she laughed and laughed and i just keep seeing in her eyes trying to steal the glow of happiness;

i stared and stared for the truth but i got the outer shine;

her hairs are scattered and dry as the grass lost their green colors;

the bird came and told that she was waiting for me but it was wrong;

she was waiting for someone like me but not me;

i was holding the ice but it was heating me;

i was near the fire chimney but still shivering with cold;

i was alone, i was staring on the wall, the black and white memories passed through the wall;

i tried to paint them but i painted the wall, it made the past colorful and also fills me with satisfaction;

i found the bird which was trying to fly even though her feather was cut;

i felt light and jumped with enthusiasm;

life made me walk against the flow of time but i don't wanted to;

suddenly i felt that i could paint my memories;

but every time i fill color on a wall, the memories come on another old wall;

plucked the leaves and tried to paste on the new plant, but the leaves became yellow after enjoying;

i searched and searched for one who will not leave the state of comfort;

everyone come and go and left the rest for me;

i felt panic and don't know what should i do;

again i wanted to keep the models but they destroyed as the time passed!!

with great fear i mugged it all to get a fare.

and also i got it. after that i decided not to do that

and started once again logically.

but this time i failed and the whole world roared at me

"mug it again, mug it ....just mug it"

but i was also determined!!

risk

risk on ever, risk on forever;

i risked, i am in room;

they didn't, they are on way;

risk on ever, risk on forever;

the room was dark, the room was empty;

the roads were lighted, the roads were full;

they adjusted in rush, i adjusted the rush;

risk on ever, risk on forever;

they maintained to somehow stand still, i made someone sit still;

they created a shed to be in cold, i lighted the dark and enjoyed the both;

the risk is ever, the risk is forever!

there is rush growth and will continue ever;

i moved to next room singing "risk is ever, risk is forever";

but they again shifted the same shed with a song "risk never, risk never".!!